I forgot how hot balto sounded
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
