i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
