Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
