and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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