with your own penis?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
