we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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