I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
