And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize