dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
