Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Found your dick twin last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
