i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
