Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
