dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
