Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I pour the whiskey from now on
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize