i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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