I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
