Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize