I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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