He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
