he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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