I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
