I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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