Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Enjoy the penises
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
