Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
