Sry I called you an 8
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
