Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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