i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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