Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
