im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
