Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
