I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
