I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
