I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
