I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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