Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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