I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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