Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
