Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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