I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
