Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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