How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My penis needs a shock collar
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
