Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I look better un-naked...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I am naked and annoyed.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
