His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize