It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
