It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
