tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
