just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
