you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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