someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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