I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
