the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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