Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
