I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
