Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
