Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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