Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
