Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
