Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
