yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
