her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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