We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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