I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
