That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
