i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
