I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
