and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
