mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
