He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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