Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
