Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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