I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm passing your future prison.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize