You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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