if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
