I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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