i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize